Why You Never Give Wind a Map: Christmas Speical
by Seabreeze27
Summary: In the land sand, where the day is kill-your-self hot, and the nights are freezing-your-butt-off cold, you learn something. And that something is never let Wind handle map. Yes, never let Wind handle a map, for he may end up hiding behind a bush, where a Kuriboh is holding him hostage.


Seabreeze27- Hey guys, I thought of writing this a long time ago, and so recently I decided to give it a shot. So anyway, ONWORD TO THE STORY!

(-)

In the land sand, where the day is kill-your-self hot, and the nights are freezing-your-butt-off cold, you learn something. And that something is never let Wind handle map. Yes, never let Wind handle a map, for he may end up hiding behind a bush, where a _Kuriboh_ is holding him hostage. Yes, our dear beloved Wind is that kind of guy who is scared of a little puff ball. No offence to the Kuriboh…Oh and never let the Kuriboh's watchers' get a hold of the map, or you have a very big-bowl-of-jelly-that-doesn't-solidify-and-you-take-it-to-school-as-an-assiment-and-when-you-turn-it-over-it-all-just-comes-rushing-out problem.

What?

You want to hear about my troubles?

Well, I'd advise you to grab a drink (if legal, make it strong), and sit back while I tell you why _not_ to give Wind a map.

(-)

I guess it all started that winter's night, out in the desert where two men were sitting around a camp fire, discussing various ways to kill/mime/torture/and/or harm people in anyway shape or form. The Kuriboh was sitting next to them looking up at the two in horror/amazement as it learned various ways to "get" information, when a sound out near the sheep and goats they were supposed to watching. And as we all know Kuribohs are carouse creature's who love to learn (now you know why he was sitting listening), so he did what all his kind would have done and went over to check it out.

What he found was an old, wrinkly old man hiding from sheep…and goats, (I forgot about them).

Now this little Kuriboh was carouse to _why_ a human of any age was scared of sheep…and goats, (sorry but I just keep on forgetting them). So while the old man (if you haven't guessed is Wind) was looking at the sheep and _goats _(See that! Remembered!), Kuriboh poked him in the shoulder…With a realllly long stick, causing our beloved Wind to jump in terror and scream…Like a little girl.

This caused the two men by the camp fire to come running, thinking someone had cut themselves while trying to kill the sheep…and goats.

Now these two men weren't ordinary men. They where the most dangerest, most cunning, and most insane people in all the Sahara…And that's saying a lot. One was and Ex-Thief King called Bakura, and the other and insane wants'-to-take-over-the-world madman named Marik. (Oh? You heard of them? Now you know why they were talking about killing someone earlier.) Both of these men were facing punishment from the Pharaoh of Egypt. Their punishment was to be good Samaritans and do kind acts, like picking up garbage along the Nile, or working in the fields, and who could forget about watching the sheep during the night when no one else would want to...And the goats. (Thanks for reminding me.)

When both of the men came running and found an old man scared of a Kuriboh instead of a blood covered robber who might die, being disappointed would be an understatement.

"What is going on here?" Asked Bakura, the more level headed one.

"Not what I was expecting," replied Marik.

"So what should we do with him," Bakura asked Marik, completely ignoring Wind who was trying to stop Kuriboh from poking him with the stick.

"We could always hang him by the feet and watch all the blood go to his face till he suffocates," offered Marik.

"Naa, no blood or gore, we have to do something like that or I'm going to fall asleep," Bakura replied thinking suffocation as a death a real boring one.

"All right, lets hang up by the wrists and cut him from neck to waist and pull all his pull all his intestines out while he's still alive. That's not boring," said Marik.

Wind looked up horrified, and screamed, "WAIT! I KNOW OF A TREASURE THAT WILL ONE DAY RULE OVER ALL!"…All the while Kuriboh was still poking him with the stick.

Now if I was in Wind's position with people talking about ways to kill you, I may have said the exact same thing…Only, I'm not scared of sheep…or goats now that you mention it.

But if Wind had thought that would get them to let him go, than he was very much mistaken, for our dear Wind had four knives pointed at various parts of his anatomy. One at his throat, one hovering over his beating heart, one at his manhood, and one just inches from his left eye.

"Tell us where we can find this treasure, Old Man," demanded Bakura who was holding the knives at his throat and eye. Wind looked up at him fearfully and whimpered, "Front pocket, right side."

Marik fallowed the directions and pulled out piece of paper, "Is this the map?"

In a high pitched voice Wind answered, "Yes," all the while never taking his eye of that knife that hovered inches away from it.

"All right, let's be off," said Bakura as he put away his knives.

Marik pouted, "Can't we kill him?"

"No, for if what the old man says is true than, this item will be heavily guarded. So put your knives a way, they will taste blood by the time the sun hits the sky."

Giggling like a child, Marik happily obliged, thinking about all the ways he could kill/mime/torture/and/or harm people in anyway shape or form. And just like that, they where back to their discussion of all the ways to kill a man in the most painful way possible…And his whole family. (See? Crazy!)

Before our insane treasure hunter's where even 10 steps away, Wind fell to the ground in a dead faint…With Kuriboh still poking him with the stick.

(-)

Now, this map leads to the peace of bank right beside the King's palace. At the time our dear beloved Pharaoh was looking out on his balcony wishing he had a son. He and his wife had been trying for over two years now with one miscarriage and a still-birth, causing the queen to wish herself dead so the Pharaoh would take a new bride. Now the Pharaoh loved his wife very much and would never let her cause harm to herself.

So if it was not for our two… _Friend's_ white hair, our beloved ruler would not have seen them searching along the banks. After the brief shock passed over him, he sent out his guards to bring the two Samaritans in.

(-)

After being led to the throne room the two were brought before the Pharaoh and his advisers to be questioned to why they were walk the banks of the Nile. Unfortunately, they weren't being too cooperative about it.

"What were you two doing along the Nile?"

"What? Is it illegal to go for a walk?"

"Was that what you were doing walking?"

"Of course not! We were running!"

"Running? From what?"

"From your ugly face, Wheeler"

"OK! YOU WANT TO TAKE IT OUTSIDE? THEN LET'S TAKE IT OUTSIDE!"

"Quite, Dog, or do _you_ need to go outside?"

"SHUT IT RICH BOY! OR DO YOU WANT TO TASTE MY FIST!"

"Quite both of you and Seto if you don't stop egging Joey on, you'll regret it!"

"Haha! Look at Rich Boy! He's so whipped!"

"That goes for you too, Joey!"

"What could you do to me, Kisara?"

"Well I could always tell Mia what happened to her BLANK on BLANK."

"…You wouldn't."

"Your funeral if I do."

"Please tell her, I want to see Wheeler kicked to the curb!"

"Shut it, Marik!"

"Hey it's not my fault!"

"Um, yes it is, you and Bakura were at the river bank after all."

And so it went on like this as for over two hours before e the Threat of all Threats was delivered by our beloved queen who happened to be wondering where her husband was.

"What is going on here?"

"Tea!"

"You're Majesty!"

"My Lady!"

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?"

"Howdy."

"Sweetie, why are Marik and Bakura doing here? I thought they were guarding the sheep and goats?"

"Yes, well we found them along the river banks and brought them in for questioning."

"Well have you threatened them yet?"

"…No…?"

"…"

"…I feel dumb."

"You are dumb, Wheeler."

"ALL RIGHT RICH BOY I'M ABOUT TO-"

"ENGHOF! I will threaten them, just so we can all go to bed!"

"Amen."

"All right," Tea said turning to the two Samaritans," if you do not tell me what you were doing down by the Nile I will personally see to you both being stripped of all manner of weapons and will force you both into dresses and make-up and will force you down the ail to the marriage life style in less than thirty minutes."

"Wefoundanoldguywhohadamapthatwouldtellustofindanitemthatwillhelpusruleoveralltheworld!" Both Bakura and Marik said at the same time so fast no one seemed to understand it. That is, all but Tea who was nodding her head like she expected it all along. "I'm sorry, but what did you say," Atem the Pharaoh asked.

"They said, 'We found an old guy who had a map that would tell us to find an item that will help us rule over all the world'," answered Tea.

Needing no more that the words 'find', 'Item', and 'rule the world', Atem didn't even hesitate for the two Samaritans to be taken to a room where they could not get out of, and for the gourds, the advisers and himself to look for such an Item.

Though it did take awhile for things to get up in running, since they encountered problems along the way such as;

Tea wanting to come along, which Atem refused but Tea won anyway,

Bakura and Marik trying to escape,

Even though they were caught,

Joey and Seto fighting,

Mia finding out what exactly happened to her BLANK on BLANK,

Joey getting his butt kicked,

Seto learning he was going to be abstinence for the next month,

Marik and Bakura escaping again,

And finally them being caught, again.

Finally when they _finally_ set off, it was just an hour before sun rise and everyone was either tiered, angry, pissed off, or asleep.

Now my dear friend, you and I both now nothing can keep Bakura locked up. So about 15 minutes after everyone left he escaped from the storage room he was locked in and rescued his friend from a pink. Frilly.

Kitten.

Covered.

Monstrosity.

Called.

Rebecca Hopkins' room.

Who wasn't even a year old yet.

Scary.

Anyway, Marik who had been locked in there (Rebecca wasn't there, obviously), had started becoming…stranger than normal.

At first he laughed at all the frills and kittens and pink in the room, than as time went on, visions of them attacking him and roasting him over a camp fire as they danced around him, started to invade his already shattered mind. So when Bakura finally got there let's just say, that Marik came out a little crazier than he went in…I know, and most thought it impossible. Well my friend, I correct you, nothing is impossible. Implausibly, yes, impossibly? Never.

So they did what any treasure hunter in their position would do after being locked up by the "Bad Guys", and fallowed the trail to where ever it was going. When they finally arrived, a group of people had surrounded something. And being who they where, they started shoving people out of the way.

"Move it!"

"Get out of the way!"

"Lose some weight, you cow!"

"I will shove this knife up some were, were you won't want it if you don't move!"

…Stuff like that was said…And worse…

When they finally got to the center they found Tea sitting on a stump with Atem kneeling in front of her, looking at a strong little baby who looked to be only a couple months old. The sun's first rays made it the three of them look like heavenly beings.

"Wait, _this_ is the _treasure_," asked Bakura, horrified.

"A_ baby_," answered Marik, just as horrified.

"The item that would rule over all would be a baby?!" They said simultaneously.

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT OLD MAN!" They said together again as they ran off to where they left Wind. Not even sticking around to hear about how the baby was going to be named Yugi and that he would be adopted by the royal family and become the heir.

No, for the need to spill a certain someone's blood was on their minds and even if the world collapsed in on its self, would not deteriorate them from their goal.

When they finally arrived at the place where they left Wind, they found Kuriboh, curled into a little ball with a stick lying beside him.

Both men swore they would one day kill Wind, and when that came, Wind would reserve the most painful torture in existence, and would die a long and slow death that most people died half way through it.

(-)

And that my friend is why you never give Wind a map, for it leads to mountains of paper work, two men searching for this place to extract revenge, and the child of a god in the hands of mortals.

I only told this story to one other person, he wrote a song about it I guess.

But that's not the point, and the morale of this story is, _'Never give Wind a map.'_

_**THE END**_

_(-)_

Sea- Well If you haven't guessed yet, but this is the remake of _"Do You Hear What I Hear"._

The following are the list of characters and who plays who.

_Wind- _Wind

_Lamb-_ Kuriboh

_Sheppard Boy-_Bakura and Marik

_King-_ Atem

_People Everywhere-_ Various Yugioh people

_The Child_- Yugi!

Sea- Hoped you liked it and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


End file.
